http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rx07A9LWBJA
The other day my dear friend Alex emailed to say that she, too was craving chewy, sugary, fruity goodness. All the way over in Florence, Italy, it's hard to find things like Starburst, Twizzlers and the like and when you're pregnant, let's be honest...you need them. When I heard her silly man ate most of the starburst she had gotten her hands on, I knew I had to act fast.
Patton and I loaded up a shopping cart at Walgreens with Starburst, Twizzlers, Nerds, Chewy Sprees, Hawaiian Punch Jelly Beans...the list goes on and on. We filled a box with the goodies and shipped them across the big pond and over to the country shaped like a boot.
I got an email yesterday from Alex, clearly after getting her sugar fest. I won't comment only to say I had tears streaming down my face I was laughing so hard. Here's what she wrote:
Dear Patton,
I know we haven't had the chance to officially meet, and I know this is the first time we've "talked" just you and I, but I just had to write and tell you a few things about your mama. A little bit about me before we get started: I live in Italy and am expecting a wee bambino on the first of August. That's right, a little boy for you to pal around with when you come visit us in Florence and when your parents meet Francesco and I in New Orleans for some grown up fun. Though I haven't officially met him yet, either, I have a feeling yall will be great buds.
But I digress. You may remember a day a couple of weeks ago when you and your mommy went to Walgreens. Why, you may be asking, should you remember this particular trip above any other? Well, it was the day your mom loaded, and I do mean, loaded, the shopping cart full of things like Twizzlers, Skittles, Nerds, a 90 pound bag of Starbursts and more. I imagine you were wondering why in the world she would be doing such a thing when we are not gearing up to celebrate Halloween or similar. I'll tell you. She was gathering these goodies, nay, necessities, for me. All because I am 7 months pregnant and feel that if I do not eat or drink fruit flavored things I just might lay down and die. I know what you're thinking, "Come on, you won't die because of a craving." And you're right. I can survive, physically, but you wouldn't want to be around me when I want these things and cannot have them. It's not a pretty sight, Patton. Not one bit at all.
The real problem, of course, as you'll remember from above, is that I live in Italy. Here they sell all sorts of delights and I'm sure that Italian ladies expecting little ones have no problem finding things to suit their needs. In fact, they often eat American treats that have been manufactured over here without even knowing that they are not the same as at home; they do not notice the "Euro funk", as I like to call it. Euro funk permeates everything from Snickers to Diet Coke to Mentos. When you come visit, I'll show you what I mean and I do believe you'll agree with me.
So you must imagine my delight when I get home and find a BOX containing all of the aforementioned fruit flavored goodies. I almost wept, Patton. That's the truth. Now you might think I'm exaggerating, and that's ok, I have been accused of being dramatic once or twice in my day. But this is serious. This is what being pregnant does to you. It makes you want to break down and weep because you can't believe that one of your girlfriends has sent you a box full of fruity sugar just when you needed it most. Or because you can't figure out how to fit seven Starbursts, ten jelly beans and some Nerds into your mouth all at once.
The reasons I am writing this to you and not your mom are twofold. The first is so that one day, in the far, far, far away future, when you have a wife that is about to give you a child, you can reach into the crevices of you vast mind and pull out the memory of your mom loading her cart full of fruity candy, boxing it up and sending it across an ocean for me. You will remember and you will ask your wife what it is that she would want to be boxed up and sent to her if she were far away. Then you will go and procure that something for her (in abundance, Patton, because we don't do small portions at this time in our reproductive lives), and she will be happy.
The other reason is to let you in on a secret you probably already know: You, my friend, have an incredibly, unbelievably, wonderfully amazing mommy. She is one of a kind and that's no exaggeration. So do me a huge favor and the next time she picks you up, give her the biggest, strongest hug you can muster, plant a massively big kiss on her cheek and tell her Alex sent it with much love and a million thanks, all the way from Italy.
Love ya, kiddo. I'm off to have a Twiz.
xoxo
Alex
I know we haven't had the chance to officially meet, and I know this is the first time we've "talked" just you and I, but I just had to write and tell you a few things about your mama. A little bit about me before we get started: I live in Italy and am expecting a wee bambino on the first of August. That's right, a little boy for you to pal around with when you come visit us in Florence and when your parents meet Francesco and I in New Orleans for some grown up fun. Though I haven't officially met him yet, either, I have a feeling yall will be great buds.
But I digress. You may remember a day a couple of weeks ago when you and your mommy went to Walgreens. Why, you may be asking, should you remember this particular trip above any other? Well, it was the day your mom loaded, and I do mean, loaded, the shopping cart full of things like Twizzlers, Skittles, Nerds, a 90 pound bag of Starbursts and more. I imagine you were wondering why in the world she would be doing such a thing when we are not gearing up to celebrate Halloween or similar. I'll tell you. She was gathering these goodies, nay, necessities, for me. All because I am 7 months pregnant and feel that if I do not eat or drink fruit flavored things I just might lay down and die. I know what you're thinking, "Come on, you won't die because of a craving." And you're right. I can survive, physically, but you wouldn't want to be around me when I want these things and cannot have them. It's not a pretty sight, Patton. Not one bit at all.
The real problem, of course, as you'll remember from above, is that I live in Italy. Here they sell all sorts of delights and I'm sure that Italian ladies expecting little ones have no problem finding things to suit their needs. In fact, they often eat American treats that have been manufactured over here without even knowing that they are not the same as at home; they do not notice the "Euro funk", as I like to call it. Euro funk permeates everything from Snickers to Diet Coke to Mentos. When you come visit, I'll show you what I mean and I do believe you'll agree with me.
So you must imagine my delight when I get home and find a BOX containing all of the aforementioned fruit flavored goodies. I almost wept, Patton. That's the truth. Now you might think I'm exaggerating, and that's ok, I have been accused of being dramatic once or twice in my day. But this is serious. This is what being pregnant does to you. It makes you want to break down and weep because you can't believe that one of your girlfriends has sent you a box full of fruity sugar just when you needed it most. Or because you can't figure out how to fit seven Starbursts, ten jelly beans and some Nerds into your mouth all at once.
The reasons I am writing this to you and not your mom are twofold. The first is so that one day, in the far, far, far away future, when you have a wife that is about to give you a child, you can reach into the crevices of you vast mind and pull out the memory of your mom loading her cart full of fruity candy, boxing it up and sending it across an ocean for me. You will remember and you will ask your wife what it is that she would want to be boxed up and sent to her if she were far away. Then you will go and procure that something for her (in abundance, Patton, because we don't do small portions at this time in our reproductive lives), and she will be happy.
The other reason is to let you in on a secret you probably already know: You, my friend, have an incredibly, unbelievably, wonderfully amazing mommy. She is one of a kind and that's no exaggeration. So do me a huge favor and the next time she picks you up, give her the biggest, strongest hug you can muster, plant a massively big kiss on her cheek and tell her Alex sent it with much love and a million thanks, all the way from Italy.
Love ya, kiddo. I'm off to have a Twiz.
xoxo
Alex
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